How to have a baby

Sometimes couples experience problems getting a baby on the way.

A woman walked into a bar late afternoon and sat down on a stool at the bar next to a fellah. He was drinking champagne. She too ordered champagne.

He comments, "Champagne, eh?".

"Yes," she relies, "I'm celebrating."

"What a coincidence," he returns, "I'm celebrating too."

"Yeah, right," she thinks but asks, "What are you celebrating?"

"I'm a chicken farmer and hen breeder," he answers. "For a long time I have not been happy with the number of chicks I have been getting. Now that problem is solved and I am celebrating. Why are you celebrating?"

She smiles and replies, "For a few years I have been trying to get pregnant and my husband and I have had loads of test, followed a heap of advice. We were at our wits' end. I have just come from the doctor's and I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence, " he replies.

"But tell me," she asks, "how did you solve your problem?"

He smiles and says, "Changed the cock".

"What a coincidence," says she.

There are some who say that when it comes to procreation we are merely transport devices for our genes. It is our genes that know what the match is going to be. If you, young lady, listen to your genes and they say "that one", then you will have a child without any problems at all, sometimes on just one encounter.

And it does not matter whether the fellah has a job, or money, or good looks, or a great build, or a sense of humour or even youth - that is the fellah that will do it. Just go for it.

Of course, partnerships are more than this. We mate for life, right? So your life companion had better have other qualities if it is going to work for years and years. Fine. The two requirements are often in conflict. Solve the two requirements separately.

My work colleague married this lovely woman. I got the "spark" when I first saw her and it was returned. This is not lust, this is not desire, this is genes calling to genes. You have to be aware of it but one you are it is unmistakeable. Mind is not involved. Desire is not involved.

They tried for a family for a while. It so happened that my colleague went away for the weekend and she and an long-time female friend of mine called round at my house and invited me over for a party. My female friend was interested  in some fellah and I realised it was just going to be the four of us. OK, I spent the night there.

She had a lovely daughter.

Of course, she, her husband and my friend had colluded together and arranged the whole episode.

The genes matched up. Everyone knew.